I read this article and it has inspired me to write my thoughts on the subject.
I was raised to believe and think this about myself. It has been extremely damaging to me. I was raised to think that my virginity was the most important thing I could give a man on our Wedding night. I was raised to think that women who slept around were loose and whores. Massive slut shaming culture right there! It didn't stop me from doing sexual things with my various boyfriends. I was raised to believe that masturbation was wrong. That belief didn't stop me though. I was raised to believe that having sex outside of marriage was the worst thing in the world to do. I remember watching this video called 'The price tag of sex' and being terrified of not being able to control myself and have sex. Then I would be ruined forever and have that price tag against my head, so to speak. It is presented by a woman called Pam Stenzel who is a product of rape. Her Mother was raped, continued the pregnancy and had her baby adopted out. The highly emotional aspect of it gets you in and makes you feel that you need to listen to what she says to as she should know. I now feel that is massive manipulation of people to get them to not have sex and do whatever they are told. I get mad thinking about it. I no longer believe any of that about sex. I have broken free of the chains of my past and now have a much heathier view of sex. I am still healing from it and it will take time. This is why I am only now starting to feel safe and free to explore my diverse sexuality and attractions to the same sex.
My husband is still on the journey of letting those unhealthy beliefs about sex go. He will get there in time. Before we started dating he was hesitant to date me because I wasn't a virgin. I thought that was ridiculous at the time and told him to get over it. He took awhile to get over it and then decided to start dating me. He had this idea in his head that when he got married to whomever he got married to that they would both be virgins (he was a virgin) and learn together about sex. He felt he was robbed of that experience. He is over it now (mostly), but that attitude is seriously fucked up! We did learn together and are still learning. I think with sex and sexuality there is always something new and fun to learn and discover about each other and oneself. It is an adventure.
I am much happier now and in control of my sexuality. I know what I want and am not afraid to ask for it. I think this is scary for my husband at times because I can be quite full on. This is who I am and I am finally embracing who I am and my sexuality. No one is going to take that away from me! I am still trying to get past the feelings of shame in regards to some aspects of my sexuality, but in time I will.
I shared this status from the Barrel of Oranges Facebook page on my profile and it elicited one interesting response.
"Purity Culture is harmful to families, especially new families.
Purity culture trains women to abstain until marriage, shaming them with the idea that a sexual partner makes one "dirty"...and expects the woman to psycholigically disconnect from that just because they are now married.
Purity culture tells women that if they don't cover up when breastfeeding, they shouldn't leave the house or just bring a bottle.
Purity culture tells parents that children running naked in the backyard is child abuse.
It teaches our children that their bodies are dirty, teaches our mothers that their bodies are shameful, and teaches our sons and fathers, that they are hormone-driven beasts.
Purity culture trains women to abstain until marriage, shaming them with the idea that a sexual partner makes one "dirty"...and expects the woman to psycholigically disconnect from that just because they are now married.
Purity culture tells women that if they don't cover up when breastfeeding, they shouldn't leave the house or just bring a bottle.
Purity culture tells parents that children running naked in the backyard is child abuse.
It teaches our children that their bodies are dirty, teaches our mothers that their bodies are shameful, and teaches our sons and fathers, that they are hormone-driven beasts.
Purity Culture is Bullshit."
One person, a male responded with this:
"For the cases when and if that us true... For the times I've seen purity culture only a small minority of the comments apply.
So the culture referred to has more different to purity culture than it has in common - in my exposure."
That is male entitlement and patriarchy right there!
My response was this:
"I have experienced the effects of this ridiculous purity culture being a woman so I know it happens. I have broken free from that. It's when I'm told to wait for the right man, to not have sex with too many partners, to cover up when breast feeding, to not dress too seductively because men can't control themselves (they can - they are an adult and should be able to think rationally about their actions and practice self-control). Until you have actually experienced this yourself you are not likely to notice it. I am not going to be treated like a fragile pure object for the sake of pleasing a man or society. I am my own person with my own thoughts, dreams, desires, personality. I do not owe any man anything. Sorry if this seems harsh. I am just tired of this culture of purity, slut shaming and shame. It's all connected. That attitude feeds the slut/whore dichotomy. Where women are seen as pure and whole for men to sow their seed. Horrible and severely detrimental view of women, as we are whole people with minds, personality, character and uniqueness."
Another person added their opinion too.
"I have ZERO respect for that mentality. It's oppression at its finest and makes it sound like women are men's property. Society just cannot stay out of people's personal business, and that's really sad."
The links below in further reading are some excellent articles about the damaging effects of Purity culture, and about female sexuality.
Further reading:
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